Previously on Harry Potter

featurette from the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

about this featurette

You guys might know this little movie called Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince just came out. Yeah, it’s Harry Potter number 6.

Now unless you wear a cape and keep a magic wand with you at all times, I’m sure you don’t remember what happened in the first couple of Harry Potter films.

In TV-land they’ll help you a little. “Last week in Harry Potter.” But in movie-land they’re too cool for that. So I thought I’d help you guys out a little. Yeah, spoilers ahead.

“By proceeding to watch this video, you agree Film On Air can’t be hold accountable for spoiling any amazing plot twists in the first 5 Harry Potter movies.”

“Previously on Harry Potter”

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

In Harry Potter 1 nothing mayor happens. Some homeless guy tells Harry Potter he isn’t a normal 11-year-old boy, but actually a wizard. Of course Harry doesn’t believe him, gives him some change and tells him to get lost. But later Harry learns about the wickedly evil Lord Voldemort, who gave him a nasty scar when attacking Harry when he was just a year old.

Harry is real angry about that scar. O yeah, and because Voldemort killed his parents. Anyway, Harry makes some awkward friends and of they go to part 2.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

This is where Harry meets Dobby, a retarded house-elf who doesn’t want Harry to go back to Hogwards. Seeing how amazingly ugly this creature is, Harry doesn’t believe anything he says and wants to go anyway. So after some trouble he does and meets Draco, a Voldemort fanboy. Harry says “yo, Voldemort is evil yo, shut up”. Draco says “no, you shut up” and a Harry is like, “whatever yo, peace.”

Crazy shit starts to happen. Blood writings on the wall, Harry starts hearing voices and it turns out Harry can speak and understand snakes. Harry is being accused of doing all the evil things happening in school. But in the end no one really believes such a sweet boy can do those evil things. Harry kills the bad guy and everyone goes back to doing magic tricks.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Back for part 3, aunt Marge comes to visit. Harry is like, “o man, she’s a bitch, I’m out” and he’s off to his favorite school again. Being there, he soon finds out some prisoner of Azkaban is out to kill him. Harry is like, I can handle some broke ass prisoner. But the guy, called I’m Seriously Black, turns out to have ratted out his parents to Voldemort.

Harry is totally angry about that. But Seriously Black is like, “yo, I didn’t do it, it’s Peter Pettigrew who betrayed your parents.” And Harry is like “really?”. And he’s like “ya really”. So Harry is like “ok, you’re cool, I love you man.” And Seriously Black is like “Thanks Harry, here’s a new broom.” Yeah, true story.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

O man, this is turning out to be a longer story than I thought. Anyway, in part 4 Harry plays some Quidditch when Voldemort’s trademarked logo appears in the sky. Everybody is like, wow, that’s cool, but also scary, o no. It means Voldemort is back and Harry has to fight him.

Voldemort can’t kill Harry, because let’s face it, there are three more movies to make at that point. But Harry can’t kill Voldemort either. Yay, of to part 5.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Having fought Lord Voldemort in the last movie, Harry’s like “yo peeps, I fought Voldemort. How cool is that? I’m awesome”. But nobody believes Harry and now Harry is sad. Then his friend Ron sees Cho Chang and says “hey Harry, check out the Asian chick” and Harry is happy again.

Of course, Voldemort is still alive and man, he’s still so evil Harry can’t believe it. Voldemort traps Harry and his buddy Seriously Black and Seriously Black is killed! Harry cries and Voldemort is like “let’s kill this pathetic creature” but then some grandpa saves the day.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry does some drugs and starts talking about love and peace, but he doesn’t know shit is going to hit the fan in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets featurette (4:48 minutes) added to the Cultjer video catalog on July 18th, 2009.

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